@poutinesmoothie: I like to sing Mambo No. 5 but replace the names of the women with various types of cheese.
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@adult_mom: I turned off the TV today and made my kids play board games like it was 1955 and now I know why all of our grandparents were alcoholics
@ONHERPERlOD: Why are middle school girls skipping the awkward stage & going straight to pretty? No no, you get braces &wear blue eyeshadow. Do your time.
@iGreenMonk: Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.
@kwirkyKerri: I don't wish anybody dead, but a well placed nasty rash on you would kind of make my day.