@poutinesmoothie: I like to sing Mambo No. 5 but replace the names of the women with various types of cheese.
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@briancthayer: Kid 1: Hurt my elbow School Nurse: Here's an ice pack K2: *fever* SN: Ice pack K3: *diarrhea* SN: Ice pack K4: *decapitated* SN: Ice pack
@Rollinintheseat: When I go to a restaurant, I stare at the menu for 10 minutes, and then order the exact same thing I did the last 20 times I've been there.
@bonehugsnirony: boss: can we talk? me: sure boss: people are afraid of you because you’re obsessed with the devil me: okay, first of all his name is lucifer