@1Happytwit: I like to skip when I'm carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
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@kashmir_lover1: Autocorrect changed Friend to Fiend but sleeping with a Fiend with Benefits is actually a little more exhilarating
@nimble__nick: *At the pearly gates* St Peter: Welcome to heaven. I'll show you around. Me: Sooo many oysters must've died to make this gate.
@Marlebean: Today, a man looked me right in the face & said "You're not hot!" Actually it was a cop &he said "Here's your ticket. Have a nice evening."