@Cheeseboy22: I like to sneak a donut into the salad bar so everyone will ask, "WAIT, THERE'S DONUTS?" and I say, "Sorry, last one!" and then eat it.
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@thenatewolf: I totally get why women are attracted to men who ride motorcycles. Like you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a lot.
@meganyyb: Hey couples on Facebook that share an account, so which one of you got caught having an affair?
@iAmDelFreaky: Her: OMG! You didn't feed my cat while I was away? Me: Do you remember that time you didn't harvest my crops on FarmVille? Now we're even.
@TheMichaelRock: If you hate yourself, just drink alcohol like an adult; there's no need to vote for Trump.