@Cheeseboy22: I like to sneak a donut into the salad bar so everyone will ask, "WAIT, THERE'S DONUTS?" and I say, "Sorry, last one!" and then eat it.
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@JermHimselfish: People who make up phrases and try to pass them off as popular sayings are just throwing meat to the monkeys in the middle of a maelstrom.
@kumailn: So is tomorrow the day Trump & all his supporters say "April Fools!" & we get our country back?
@imence2: My daughter can open just about any front door using a credit card, so your kids honor roll certificate seems a little useless right now.
@daemonic3: [operating room] SURGEON: We've lost him NURSE: Exact time of death? GUY IN THE CORNER INSTALLING CABLE: Sometime between 2pm and 6pm