@CarpentersCrack: I like to stop drinking somewhere between "watch this" and "ohhhhhh shit".
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dyldonot: Just back from my first rap battle. Complete disaster. I thought it was a nap battle and when the other guy saw my pajamas I was doomed.
@DoucheMcBaggus: When my son gets uppity, I like to remind him that I'm totally nailing his mom.
@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: I want us to share our emotions with the whole group today. Who wants to go first? ME: Me! T: Thank you! ME: [leaving] No problem