@CarpentersCrack: I like to stop drinking somewhere between "watch this" and "ohhhhhh shit".
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@sofarrsogud: Me: Honey, I left work early to pick up the kids! Wife: But we d.. *I arrive into the kitchen with two small goats Meet Frank and Dolores
@Gre_Gone: Me: Got any 7s? Wife: Go fish Me: *returns from Bering Strait a changed man* I watched the sea take my best friend to his grave. Got any 3s?
@LinajkReturns: So much mascara her eyes got stuck in the closed position. Too bad lipstick doesn't work that way.