@Breadery: I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn't scare too easily but I just beat the shit out of a motion activated air freshener.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SortaBadass: When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say "the baby is crowning!" and they'll laugh and laugh
@BoomBoomBetty: [In meeting, puts cap on pen] Me: Thanks everyone. Coworker: Oh, also I nee-- Me: No, did you not see me cap my pen? This meeting is over.
@iGreenMonk: "Oh, hey! I didn't even recognize you!" means "I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are."
@CornOnTheGoblin: A nationwide recall of the popular children's cereal Trix was issued today "Just dump them out in your garden" said one long-eared FDA agent