@Breadery: I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn't scare too easily but I just beat the shit out of a motion activated air freshener.
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@kumailn: Shocking that people who've been physically assaulting each other for 3 hours would lose their tempers.
@JohnLyonTweets: I wish the Antiques Roadshow guy had just told me how much my swords were worth without getting all nosy about where the blood came from.
@FunkyFresh_79: [runs inside of a gas station] "I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" *takes a selfie in the bathroom mirror for an IG # game