@Breadery: I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn't scare too easily but I just beat the shit out of a motion activated air freshener.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@myles_morrison: The guy behind me at the grocery store only had energy drinks, root beer & gummie lifesavers, so I asked how far into assassins creed he was
@FrenulumBreve: *Britney Spears releases a new fragrance* *the other dinner guests look embarrassed and pretend not to notice.*
@DaddyJew: [getting dating advice from my dad] Just be yourself and don't do anything stupid "Well which one is it?"
@RobertJrDowney: Who's idea was it to package scissors in a package what requires scissors to open.