I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn’t scare too easily but I just beat the shit out of a motion activated air freshener.

@SamGrittner: "Paintings or it didn't happen." - 1700's-1920

@thejamietighe: Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.

@bombsydoll: Yeah, I've got that Sexy Librarian thing going on. Except I'm not sexy. Or a librarian. I would like you to keep it down though.

@LuvPug: Wrapping presents takes a LOT longer when your kid sneaks up behind you & cuts off your arm with an empty wrapping paper tube lightsaber.

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@thesulk: "Wanna pop a xanax in the Civic and kayak with mom and dad at noon?" "Can't. Scared." "Of the water?" "No. Palindromes."

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