@RandiLawson: I like to think of myself not so much as a terrible driver, but an awesome stunt woman.
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@beefman138: "Wow, that's great!" ~ Me, not paying attention, and hoping you didn't just tell me your Grandma died.
@TheMichaelRock: Mom: You should come camping with us! It's only $100! Me: You want me to pay $100 to sleep outside? Mom: Yeah. Me: I'm getting a new Mom.
@IamEnidColeslaw: when I kiss a guy who has a mustache I'll close my eyes and pretend he's either Mario or Luigi, depending on his height