@FatherWithTwins: I like to torture my kids by buying them a new Xbox game, and then taking them to the zoo all day.
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@walterjean182: Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to diss a brie. I cheddar the world and the feta cheese.
@Midgetspar: Stole my neighbors family portrait & got it tattooed on my back. Now I'm standing in their living room facing the wall 2 see if they notice.
@AlexvanBeek: When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
@SortaBad: "..all the king's horses & all the king's men couldn't get Humpty together again" *raises hand* What guy thought horses might figure it out?