@hazelmotes1: I like to wear fur coats, but fur is murder, so I just tied 15 live badgers together and this coat is really scratchy and bitey.
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@Mikecanrant: T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling and rolling around on the ground playing with keys.
@OutOfLeftField_: Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He's not ill, just really crap in bed.
@max_pad21: I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: "What do you do at a red light?" Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."
@WheelTod: This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don't believe you should cut down a Christmas tree unless you intend on eating it.