@AlanFelyk: I like to write "made you look" on folded pieces of paper and place them under car windshield wipers in parking lots.
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@UncleDuke1969: [renovating house] ME: How much to add a panic room? CONTRACTOR: About $50,000. ME: How about a mild anxiety room?
@UncleDuke1969: Me: What do you think of my tweets? Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say? Wife: You're consistent.
@markleggett: I just paid $4,000 to have a skywriter write "Actually, Vanessa, YOU'RE the one who's being 'dramatic'."
@AristotlesNZ: Turns out exposing yourself to different cultures just gets you arrested in multiple countries.