@ohJuliatweets: I like Triscuits because sometimes you just want to eat a wicker basket.
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@Tmoney68: I think I'm finally becoming more mature. Now when I watch Spongebob I usually agree with Squidward.
@weismanjake: When someone tells me to have a safe flight it's like ok I will do my best but just so you know I am not the pilot of the airplane
@jimmy_sharpe: [lights focus on guy in interrogation room] "Say it. SAY IT." *points at sign saying "Worcestershire Sauce"*
@Jake_Sniff: [girl texting me] you left a sprite in my fridge [CUT TO] Me, crossing step one off of my "secretly move in with her" plan