@shutupmikeginn: I like watching documentaries about murderers because i know i'm doing better than every person in the movie.
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@david8hughes: [sees old friend after 4 years] "God, you were so fat back in school." "Yeah, well I lost a lot of it last year." "No you didn't."
@EJGomez: employee: over 100 ppl were killed by the dinosaurs again CEO: my God [10yrs later] CEO: what if we made a dinosaur theme park again lmao