@curlycomedy: I like when players of opposite teams hug after the game as if to say, "We're all so very, very rich."
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@SonOfCha: Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!
@gumdropheaven: I eat children for a living You what? I said I feed children Oh haha thought you sa- TO MY MOUTH
@Mr_Kapowski: *ring* Her: Hello, Sex Addict Hotline Me: Help please Her: Ok sir. Let's take some breaths. Deep. Slow. In and out Me: THIS ISN'T HELPING
@alesiavsworld: Creep yelling from window: "HEY SEXY WHERE YO MAN?" Me yelling back: "HE DEAD" Him: "WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?" Me: "HE YELLED AT ME"