@Nickadoo: "I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession
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@iGreenMonk: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unless that beholder is your mom cause we all know that doesn't count.
@Shock_Monster: Him: Come check out my church! Me: Him: They play rock music! Me: Him: It's cool! Me: Does it have church in it? Him: Yes... Me: *click*
@flashember: [to wife on phone] yes spend all our life savings on honey W: but- PLS JUST DO IT *ends phonecall* BEAR [holding gun to my head]: u did good
@EdgarAllanLo: Me: You can't honestly expect me to believe this house isn't haunted; I can see the ghost walls from here. Realtor: Those are windows.