@OhNoSheTwitnt: I liked the movie Taken better the first time I saw it when it was called Finding Nemo.
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@KKAlThani: I was in a good mood when suddenly twitter went down & I ran over a blind man, tasered a baby, killed a puppy & set myself on fire.
@theBigMvee: Kid 1 swallows coin: rush to ER Kid 2 swallows coin: wait for it to pass Kid 3 swallows coin: deduct from their allowance
@AGreaterMonster: Dear Applicant, Your résumé appears to be a string of stolen tweets. Congratulations, you're our new VP of Marketing!