@OhNoSheTwitnt: I liked the movie Taken better the first time I saw it when it was called Finding Nemo.
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@BubblesnBooze: Him: How would you describe yourself? Me: Face of an angel, body of a marshmallow and the mouth of a sailor.
@MolotovJohnny: Why does it jump from 2% milk all the way to whole milk? Maybe I just want 47% milk...
@ReelQuinn: A shoemaker called yesterday and yelled at me because I hadn’t picked up the boots he repaired. It’s been one week. He said they’ve been there since October. (They haven’t.) I said, “WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?” He said he yelled at all his customers.