@ryan9billion: I liked watching squirrel soap operas unfold in my backyard right up until the damn neighbor cat murdered all the actors.
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@NicestHippo: You had a flat tire on the highway? What was that like? [cut to: me crying helplessly until AAA arrives] Your survival instincts take over
@MelvinofYork: I watched squirrels for like an hour and thought "they don't do ANYTHING really" and then realized I watched squirrels for like an hour
@DadandBuried: As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime.