@TheTweetOfGod: I listen to your prayers, but only to correct their grammar.
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@goldengateblond: Tim Cook bravely announces he's gay. The world pats his hand like a kindly grandmother. "We know, dear."
@caliluvgirl77: [introducing myself to new boyfriends parents] "Hi, I usually don't make it this far"
@WayneL_Jr: That Chief Keef album hypnotized me earlier. I didn't even realize I was stealing from my mama purse until she paused my music.