@TheTweetOfGod: I listen to your prayers, but only to correct their grammar.
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@Marlebean: Damn boy! What's your zodiac sign? Bc I think we should make that Sagittariuu into SagittariUS Oh you're a Leo? Le OH ..where are you going?
@shutupmikeginn: Job Posting: local pond looking to hire tadpole, must have previous experience as frog
@kwirkyKerri: All these people on FB posting pics of their kids makes feel so blessed...I don't have ugly children.
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife handed me a mop so I inspected it and said, "You're good to go, woman!" and now the mop handle is in a funny place.