@StellaRtwot: I lit candles & put a trail of rose petals all over the house in confusing patterns so my husband can't find me drinking in the closet.
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@DurtMcHurtt: I love giving a little kid the tongue, and then watching him run to his mother holding the severed tongue I just gave him.
@Brianhopecomedy: My buddy has a telescope but I don't think he uses it for astronomy. I asked what his favourite constellation was and he said, "Samantha".
@rolldiggity: I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he's a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.
@Classy_Cassy89: If the people in your car don't match the stick figures on your rear window, I'll report your vehicle stolen.