@StellaRtwot: I lit candles & put a trail of rose petals all over the house in confusing patterns so my husband can't find me drinking in the closet.
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@krissywillbretz: Brain: stop eating! Me: why B: you'll get fat M: so? B: there's only enough vodka to catch a buzz on an empty stomach! M: oh *stops eating*
@AnOrangeSNES: Please follow the instructions 1) Read all instructions 2) Sacrifice a goat 3) Cut off your fingers 4) Eat glass 5) Only do number one
@GrowlyGrego: FIRED? But I just started! How could I have known we don't do casual Fridays here? Fine. Direct your own goddamn funeral. *flip-flops away*