@spencerbakes: "I literally died." - white girls in heaven.
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@DaveWeasel: The words 'selfie' and 'twerk' have been added to the dictionary this year while 'charm' and 'dignity' have been removed.
@kumailn: Every text from my mom is the most heart breaking thing I've ever read. Until the next text from my mom.
@Faux_Ma: Her: "My baby paints with her food because she's artistic." Me: "That or your baby paints with her food because she's a goddamn baby."