@cazzawndruh: I literally use hyperbole seven billion times a day.
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@StevieKnip: Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy
@moose_chocolate: My daughter asked me what it was like when I was a kid, so I took away all her electronics and made her play with a Rubik's cube.
@Underchilde: Wife: “Take me to bed or lose me forever.” Husband: *Thinks about it for 45 minutes*
@daimonic0: If you come home n your dog gives you a lecture about smoking pot, you probably should lay off the acid too.