@cazzawndruh: I literally use hyperbole seven billion times a day.
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@cervixsmash: Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But SHOUT it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing
@samalmightysam: I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better.
@Rollinintheseat: They say a woman deserves a man that looks at her every day like it's the first time he's seen her. It's wrong to promote Alzheimer's.
@sammyrhodes: My leg brushed against the toilet in a Starbucks bathroom. Goodbye leg. You were a good leg.