@StansaidAirport: I live in constant fear that someone will abduct my mother in law at 35 Ash Street, London, Flat 2, door is sticky buzz Carol to let you in.
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@flashember: walk up to the mightiest oak in the forest and punch it. now laugh as you climb into its branches to let the other trees know you're insane
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: LAUGH IT UP NOW MILLENNIALS! IN 30 YEARS YOUR FAVORITE ACTORS WILL BE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT REVERSE MORTGAGES.
@geowizzacist: I just stabbed a pin in my arm. Somewhere out there a bunch of voodoo dolls just said 'Ouch.'
@AnniemuMary: My grocery store changed its whole layout. It was better the other way so I'm slowly and quietly moving everything back.