@DillDoes: hello 911 "whats your emergency" there's someone in my home "are you safe?" it's a girl "do you like her" *starts twirling hair* I dont know

@jonnysun: TERMINOTOR: come with me if u want to live ME: ok cool *just sits there* TERMINOTOR: COME WITH ME IF-- ME: ya i got it. im good right here

@Marlebean: I should have used more oils to get this off easier.. I'm trying to jerk it off but it won't come. Honey, dinner is stuck to the pan.

@ramblinma: "Please go play with your brother. That's basically the reason we had him."

@trentistweeting: WIFE: you're so overly dramatic ME: no i'm not [10 hired backup singers burst through the wall shouting "no he's not"] dammit guys, not now