@marcmack: I live in fear that one day the real "World's Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
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@TheToddWilliams: [first date] HER: I totally love Nirvana ME: Oh yeah? Name one of their albums HER: Nevermind ME Okay, forget about it then
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: We broke up. Male Friend: You okay? You need to talk? Shoulder to cry on? You want to come over? Go to dinner? Sleep with me finally?
@dumbbeezie: Marriage is alright if you like someone coming home and telling you about their day in the middle of your movie