@tastefactory: I log in and out of Facebook at the same speed a frightened kid runs down into the basement to grab something and runs back up.
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@mattZillaaaa: My friends are like "hey come camping with us this weekend" & I'm like "I can't, I have to get new friends"
@AaronFullerton: Did you know you can actually WIN Instagram by taking a picture of your feet next to your dinner at sunset?
@TimfromDa70s: I refuse to use the self-checkout isle at a store. What I will do is occasionally post up at the exit and ask to check shoppers receipts. If I'm gonna work at your store for free, I'm picking my own position.
@juliussharpe: Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don't want to look at you.