@sween: I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don't be a smart-ass".
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@JCautomatic: [Dentist's] Me: *lying back with mouth full of cotton wool* Dentist: So what do you do? Equipment trolley 3ft away: I'm a ventriloquist
@LetsGet9ined: Man: a pack of condoms please. Cashier: would you like a paper bag? Man: no thanks, she's pretty good looking.
@KeetPotato: me: "i re-wrote pulp fiction" director: "wow ok" [reads script] "this is literally just pulp fiction" me: "i didnt say it was different"