@sween: I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don't be a smart-ass".
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@misfarber: *rearranges underwear drawer* Neighbor: the party's downstairs. Please get out of my room
@Beerhaze: She hated my mixed-tape back in high school. Last month she gave birth to her ninth baby. Thanks for saving my life, Depeche Mode!
@subtleapt: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.
@BritXNic: You can tell a lot about a man by the way he calls off the wedding and starts dating your brother.