@rickkondell: I lost a good friend today, he asked me to pick up some non-alcoholic beer.
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@jimmyfallon: My cousin told everyone he could do a backflip. We all gathered around him. He said, “I can’t do it if you’re watching.” #MyFamilyIsWeird
@FrenulumBreve: Crocodile: "See ya later alligator." Alligator: "yeah, I don't do that anymore Jeff."
@charliedelta7: I don't have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow
@HonestToddler: Toilet won't stop throwing up. I didn't know it was Legos intolerant. SEND HELP THIS IS NOT A DRILL