@rickkondell: I lost a good friend today, he asked me to pick up some non-alcoholic beer.
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@JermHimselfish: Don't run with scissors because you might accidentally trip, fall and cut the grand opening ribbon of a new museum 2 weeks ahead of schedule
@thepunningman: Passer-by: hey buddy, do you have change for the phonebox? Clark Kent: why would I change in a phonebox? P: I didnt- CK: I'm not Superman
@rockymomax: [me as a disc jockey] me: call in with any requests *phone rings* me: you’re on the air caller: please stop playing mambo number 5