@rickkondell: I lost a good friend today, he asked me to pick up some non-alcoholic beer.
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@whostrevors: A moment of silence for the fat friend in a group of girls who can't jump high enough to be in the "mid air" beach picture :(
@bromanconsul: GIRL NEARBY: I'm breaking up with you, Kevin. You don't talk about Pokemon enough. [I sit up straight and frantically try smoothing my hair]
@Michael1979: Therapist: Your relationships fail due to your selfishness *I slip him a twenty* T: They fail because you're great & everyone else is awful