@HeyZeus666: I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band.
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@3sunzzz: If a bear attacks me, I'm staying put. The only thing worse than getting attacked by a bear, is getting attacked by a bear while running.
@FrogAvalanche: Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog. *son looks at carrot* Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them! Son: This is updoc. Mother: What's-
@MeganBaca1: Sitting behind a couple in this theater that's making out. I'm gonna lean forward and whisper "This is nice" in a minute.
@calluptome: We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.