@HeyZeus666: I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band.
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@Schroofles: I hate babies when they are crying. I hate people who love babies & think babies are cute. I hate grown up babies who make more babies.
@liv_thatsme: I'd tell my neighbor about the weird smell coming from her apartment, but she's been so quiet that I don't want to disturb her.
@Brentweets: I went to handshake someone and he basically just gripped my thumb and I'm never going to be popular
@CourtRundell: Dear dinosaur naming people, Parasaurolophus and Elasmosaurus could've been named Frank and Joe. Sincerely, The parents of small children