@TjSmooth0: I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I'm worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
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@ConcernedSirGuy: People are like, "How cute! Your dog looks just like you!" I'm like, "That's my son."
@bingowings14: I haven't said a single truthful thing on here since I became the King of Sweden.
@rzarosco: *does 3 or 4 pretty accurate karate kicks in front of a girl* "Ya as I was saying my dad went to middle school with the drummer from Tesla"