@kelkulus: I lost my balance on an escalator and fell down the stairs for 2 hours.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RexHuppke: When the priest says "Body of Christ" I say "Thanks, I've been working out." Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat.
@robfee: Dang girl are you the old lady from Up, because I've only been here for like 5 minutes and you're already gone.
@Vodkantots: I really hope my family doesn't give me a urinal cake again for my birthday this year.
@AntiJokeTyrone: A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby