@david8hughes: I lost my job because my manager heard me slapping one of the customers. He wasn't even at work. He heard from home.
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@realHamOnWry: Unless you're planning to lay there shirtless in an open casket, there really is no point to killing yourself with diet and exercise.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: nice fanny pack u weirdo KANGAROO: *puts phone in pouch, pulls out a knife* ME: holy shit
@markleggett: Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."
@Quartzjixler: Doritos has a new snack called "Taco Explosion" so I'm suing Frito Lay for stealing my term for what occurs an hour after eating Taco Bell.