@rad_milk: i lost my weed in my room does anyone have a drug sniffer dog that can keep a secret
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@gavinspeiller: Anyone under the age of 21 should be legally required to end every sentence with the phrase "but there's a good chance I'm wrong about that"
@SortaBad: My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I'm 1 million percent sure this is Adele's fault
@Jeff_G_Nixon: 3yr old: [whispering] I have a secret "What it is, sweetie?" 3: [shouting] I POOPED! "Do you know what a secret is?" 3: [whispering] no.
@shivillex: North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: Rapping, Son. North West: mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))