@rad_milk: i lost my weed in my room does anyone have a drug sniffer dog that can keep a secret
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@david8hughes: [airport check-in] Me: I'd like to check this in Clerk: you'll have to take that on with u Me [sighing & picking baby up off counter]: fine
@mstluvstrinkets: I remember, before kids, saying funny things like, "my kids won't be watching TV and they most certainly won't be eating chicken nuggets!"
@JohnLyonTweets: "Disney movies promote false images of the friendliness of woodland creatures," I mutter after each rabies shot.