@rad_milk: i lost my weed in my room does anyone have a drug sniffer dog that can keep a secret
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@scorpicpanda: Hubs proposed to me with a really cool flash mob and a medley of Nirvana hits. JK. He was like, "I wanna marry you." And I was like, "K."
@EJGomez: [interrupts pastor] but jesus was crucified today shouldn't we call today "Bad Friday" or even "Kinda Messed Up They Killed Jesus Friday"
@RobertJrDowney: Just imagine if Usain Bolt was your father and you were trying to run away from a beating.