@myonlymizztake: I love carbs so much, I'd let them look through my phone.
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@TheSnideOne: What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?" What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."
@Tiny_Rickshaw: wife: i've sent the kids to the sitter me: cool wife: *taking clothes off* you know what that means? me: yeah, someone who looks after our children for money
@Nodine13: Tell her you already got her gift, & ask her to try & guess. Then go buy something she guessed. Shopping made easy.
@daemonic3: Mom, can I have another piece of pecan pie? "You mean MAY, not CAN" Ok, mom can I have another piece of pemay pie?