@sammyrhodes: I love donuts so much I want to marry them. But then I'm afraid I would eat all our donut hole children.
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@El_nacho_Nigre: I feel so alive when I watch an object fall and shatter into hundreds of pieces. Not alive enough to clean up the mess though.
@UncleDuke1969: Date: So… Tinder, huh? Me: Yup. Date: … Me: This is kind of awkward. Date: Maybe we should’ve used real pictures. Me: You think so, MOM?
@StarWarsProblms: [at the shooting range] Recruit: Sir, I missed every target. Officer: Perfect. *makes him a stormtrooper*
@karri_leigh: My daughter is playing "you can't find me, Mommy"... I'm playing "I'm not trying, Suckaaaa".