@NicestHippo: I love emoji. No longer do I have to type out "This weather is yellow face with hearts instead of eyes"
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@michaelianblack: Took me three hours to drive home through the snow, but it was worth it because when I got home, my family totally ignored me.
@PinkCamoTO: *pulls up pants* Oh, you said ANNUAL review. Well, this is embarrassing. But just for reference, how'd I do?
@david8hughes: Interviewer: says here you're a sniper Me [opening gun case]: affirmative Interviewer: is that a Supersoaker with a Pringles can taped to it
@tweetarded1: Officer: "didn't you know that sleeping in your car on the side of the road is illegal ?" Me: "yes I did officer. But this isn't my car"