@4Crocs: I love going to the dentist. He fills all my cavities. Then checks my teeth.
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@CuddleYourCat: If you piss me off bad enough and tell me to leave you alone, I will take 30 Adderall and send you cat pictures every 3 minutes for 6 days.
@TheMichaelRock: Some guy robbed a local gas station and stole $700 worth of cigarettes. I wonder what he'll do with both packs.
@sarcasticmommy4: Me: I think I’ll try to lose 5 pounds. HIM: That would be good. ME: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S GOOD? HIM: .... ME: *rage opens Oreos*
@dave_cactus: HER: Are you free Friday night? ME: Let me check my colander. HER: Your... ME: *checking* Nope, sorry, I'll be making spaghetti.