@remington3000: I love Halloween because I can buy 9 bags of Snickers and everyone thinks I'm going to pass them out to kids.
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@GaryJanetti: I don't know why Russia is so homophobic. Most of the women there look like men anyway.
@clindsaysway: The rare times my cat comes to me for affection, I run and hide under the bed, so she knows what that feels like.
@CanadianCyn: Today is my 18th wedding anniversary. If my husband doesn't give me a divorce as a gift I'm telling his girlfriend.
@Be___Dope: Cashier: You're the first person to not buy flowers or chocolates today. Me: * looks down at burrito and donuts * It's still love though.