@remington3000: I love Halloween because I can buy 9 bags of Snickers and everyone thinks I'm going to pass them out to kids.
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@TheMichaelRock: HR: Do you want your name on the October birthday list? Me: Nope. HR: Why not? Me: Because I'm not in Kindergarten.
@Zwolf666: Stephen Hawking's worn out two pair of shoes since the last time my co-worker said something intelligent.
@Alex_N_Chains: Today on "Dora the Explorer", Dora and Boots learn there are some places they can't explore when Map leads them to an armed border patrol.
@rsynder336x2: I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I'm a great husband