@rachaelkelly18: I love how coffee tricks me into believing I'm in a good mood for about 27 minutes
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thepunningman: [Restaurant] "Good evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?" Yes please "THIS TOWN (AHH AHHH) IS COMIN LIKE A GHOST TOWN"
@realHamOnWry: I lay on the grass looking up at the clouds. 'That woolly one looks like a fist' I say, as Jack punches me again.
@ericsshadow: [at my high school reunion] Hey guys, remember last year when we toilet papered Mrs. Krebb's house? "Dude that was in 1991."
@chimneyspotter: DATE: Ooh, such long fingers ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have? D: I have an idea *sexy wink* M: My intestines are about 30ft