@rachaelkelly18: I love how coffee tricks me into believing I'm in a good mood for about 27 minutes
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@ProdigyNelson: Doctor: we saved your dad but he's part owl now Son: Dad it's me Dad: *head turned 180°* who Son: very funny Doctor: yeah he has amnesia too
@davedittell: Jesus hands his iPhone to da Vinci, "hey can you get one of me and my best buds? thanks man! HEY EVERYONE GET ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE TABLE"
@WritePlay: *dog barks at absolutely everything, every time* Me: SHUT UP *dog barks at burglar, one time* Me: It's like he just knew there was danger
@BangMyBongo: You get a green perennial vegetable, you get a green perennial vegetable, EVERYBODY GETS GREEN PERENNIAL VEGETABLES! - Okra