@mattZillaaaa: I love how fresh & clean my bathroom smells after I've killed a spider with a full bottle of windex
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@goodhairperson: *watches an extremely cute guy flirt with an equally cute girl at the gym from the floor above like an old witch on a mountain*
@hipchkk: I keep an extra stash of tampons in my purse to launch at blowhards who punctuate the end of their sentence with the word, "Period!"
@juliussharpe: I just saw an ad for a bulletproof briefcase. The real question is: why does your briefcase have so many enemies?
@That_Damn_Duck: My cat is walking a very fine line between being cute & being sold to the Korean restaurant down the street.