@mattZillaaaa: I love how fresh & clean my bathroom smells after I've killed a spider with a full bottle of windex
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@WilliamAder: We have a local weatherman who often forecasts "changeable skies." He makes a lot of money to make that call.
@Bizarro_Mark: The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, "I don't think it's working"
@BrettDruck: May he without sin cast the first stone [Everybody picks up rocks] Sharing Netflix passwords counts as sin [Everybody puts rocks back down]
@murrman5: are you the girl who types everything said in court? "yes" I'm sorry *turns to prosecutor and answers his question with dolphin noises*