@mattZillaaaa: I love how fresh & clean my bathroom smells after I've killed a spider with a full bottle of windex
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@philyuck: "Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred." "So just the normal way you make a martini then?" "That's right."
@Tha6God: I HAVE BEEN TO FOUR DIFFERENT FABRIC STORES LOOKING FOR THIS 'WIFEY MATERIAL'! WHERE COULD THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL BE!?
@djdarrellripley: Me: We need some ham. Her: I just bought a pound of ham yesterday. Me: Are you going to judge me, or are you going to buy some ham?
@GrantTanaka: when the doctor starts putting on latex gloves at your next physical, a fun thing to do is to whip out your own pair & put them on too