@DothTheDoth: I love how insurance companies offer "accident forgiveness" like they're some sort of ancient deity pardoning your existence.
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@Tmoney68: [Entering Building As A Guy Leaves] Me: It's muggy out there. Guy: I'll be fine. *guy is beaten & robbed immediately. M: Told you.
@mstluvstrinkets: Anything I accomplish before I finish my first cup of coffee has been fueled by rage.
@PretendMaker: *into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers