@DothTheDoth: I love how insurance companies offer "accident forgiveness" like they're some sort of ancient deity pardoning your existence.
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@SirEviscerate: *joins Buddhist monastery* *withstands 21 years of brutal kung-fu training* So, vending machine that didn't drop my funyuns. We meet again.
@internetluke: [Joseph checking in to hotel] "Is there WiFi?" Only in the stable *later to Virgin Mary* "Honey, hotel was booked. Gotta stay in the stable"
@_Kim_Jongun: I hired a PR team. They said the public would like me more if I stopped executing people. I executed the PR team.
@DelilahSmashbox: I almost wish the guy I'm stalking would find me and call the cops. These bushes are scratchy and my legs are cramping.