@TheGayFlash: I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower.
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@daemonic3: Barista: "Welcome to Starbucks!" Me: "Large coffee please." B: "It's venti!" Me: "Then close all the windows after you get my large coffee."
@thecrabbyhook: My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
@BCMontgo: Me: With a name like that, your parents must hate you. Myparentsdislikeme: Hate is a strong word.
@ParentNormal: Made a pact w/ my wife that if we’re 40 & kids haven’t stopped whining, we’ll meet at top of the Empire State Building so they can’t find us