@LuvPug: I love how Prince Charming is so dumb he doesn't recognize Cinderella without her shoe.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls. She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg. Surgery didn't go well.
@MattMcGruff: Officer- I'm giving you a ticket for your speed Me- That's heroin Officer-... Me- Want some? Officer-... Me- Oooh, shiny handcuffs
@Overxposd: My Executive Director said to me "Well aren't you an eager beaver" I was like "Oh my God, Why? What have you heard???"