@JennyJohnsonHi5: I love Instagram's new direct messaging feature because I've always thought, "If only this picture of someone's dinner was just for me."
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@batkaren: Welcome to Super Villain University. Please refer to the enclosed packet for a sample course offering:
@wolfpupy: [the ghost of christmas future points at my grave] finally im dead [i lay down in the grave] stop kicking me ghost im not learning anything
@clevinniej: Wife: ok, you have free reign to decide on all household decisions today... Me: *too shocked to move or decide anything...*