@JennyJohnsonHi5: I love Instagram's new direct messaging feature because I've always thought, "If only this picture of someone's dinner was just for me."
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@meganamram: "Only a good guy with a forest fire can prevent forest fires" - Smokey the NRA Bear
@blood_orphan: 3rd eye: youre on drugs 4th eye: youre a nerd 5th-7th eyes: ??? 8th eye: you are now a spider 9th eye: spider on drugs 16th eye: nerd spider
@KalvinMacleod: ME: you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat CAT: that's awful why would they say that? ME: really? CAT: *dies*
@MarfSalvador: Reporter: Is it true you delivered a pig with TWO heads?! Farmer: Yes I did Farmer's second head: WE did