@drewtoothpaste: I love it when websites pop up a box to make me subscribe to read, and I always enter my real email address because it's important.
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@PaperWash: angel: where'd all the zebras go? God: I put 'em in the desert angel: dude their camouflage was for the snow God: I know lol
@BoogTweets: Me: Your hair smells so good. Which shampoo is that? My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so… My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!
@joelu72: [being mugged] ME: can i keep things of sentimental value? ROBBER: ok ME:[pulling things from wallet] my favorite cash...my lucky debit card
@panmidwest: [ping pong] ME: 3 to 2, my serve JESUS: M: can I have the ba- J: the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve M: [exhales] every time