@drewtoothpaste: I love it when websites pop up a box to make me subscribe to read, and I always enter my real email address because it's important.
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@HatfieldAnne: "Anybody got any change?" My body tenses as I whisper to my little zippered coin purse, "It's go time."
@JB4Realz: Turns out, the guy who invented CPR just liked kissing strangers then punching them in the chest.
@PimpBillClinton: Ladies, don't tell me you care about the environment if you don't support my "Share a Shower" water conservation program.
@realHamOnWry: Dogs are the best listeners. They always look interested and never interrupt your story with how the same thing happened to them.