@BeardSpice: I love jokes about video games. They work on so many levels.
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@myles_morrison: It's easier to get away with stealing someone's stroller if you're dressed as a jogger.
@KimmyMonte: Hey guys is your refrigerator running? Because I don't like any of the current presidential candidates
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why is 9 crying? me: Because it's raining and he's getting wet wife: But we're at a water park me *takes a drink from my flask* Yep
@LaTreiHinton: Tom & Jerry had the realest beef of all time..... nvr said a word.... it was jus on sight ..