@BeardSpice: I love jokes about video games. They work on so many levels.
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@sfreeze6: [on deathbed - calls for son] ".....if you highlight the shit out of a document, people will think you read it....."
@Stellacopter: If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.
@EricDumbTweets: I don't trust people who say "I married my best friend" because I don't think dogs can truly consent to marriage.