@Michael_Erhart: "I love my Job!" -Job's wife
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@Shower4Thought: I wonder if a murderer has ever crossed my path, contemplated murdering me, and then thought "nah".
@DirtMcTurd: Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because its hard to have fun when you might shit your pants
@SortaBad: "Babe I wanna ask you something" *gets down on one knee* "When The Little Mermaid became human, how'd she know to use a toilet?" *ties shoe*
@animaldrumss: Sir? the table of hot ladies over there wanted to know what song you were drumming on the bar. they said it seemed very fast and impressive.