@Michael_Erhart: "I love my Job!" -Job's wife
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@WarningPuzzle: *walks into bar with camera* Me: Can I take a shot of this glass? Bartender: Take a pitcher, it'll last longer
@ibid78: [plumber] well here's your problem.. *keeps pulling tied handkerchiefs from toilet* [magician] it was like that when I bought the house
@Storminika: You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?
@El_nacho_Nigre: "Gotta wake up early" *sets alarm for 5am* *wakes up at 4:55am to cancel alarm* *goes back to sleep*