@omgthatspunny: i love pizza
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@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what are your future plans? Me: lunch Interviewer: I meant long term plans Me: what, like dinner?
@ChaseMit: "We're not so different, you and I," Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper.
@FuckabillyRex: I probably wouldn't know what to do with my hands if you were murdering me, but there's a strong possibility I would hug you really tight.