@omgthatspunny: i love pizza
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@AnkCoupleTO: I love picking out my wife's panties except this isn't my house and now some dudes are yelling for me to come downstairs with my hands up
@TheBoydP: Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
@HitsBelowBelt: You know that feeling you get when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Ya, that's arrhythmia. You can die from that.
@Sickayduh: "In my defense, Your Honor, I only made comments about her yoga pants cause harassment a lot to me" "Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"