@omgthatspunny: i love pizza
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@LinajkReturns: If he's hot on your heels, dump him. You do not want a man who looks better in your shoes than you do.
@BurroFuma: I saw an identical tweet of my joke! It was posted months before mine, so he's worse than a tweet thief; he's a time-travelling tweet thief!
@krissywillbretz: [Spelling bee] Dad Judge: your word is "arson" Contestant: can you use it in a sentence? Dad Judge: You're not arson, you're adopted.
@Home_Halfway: A family of ducks walks into a church. "Hi, yes, umm...I hear you have a man who turned his body into bread?" The father asks timidly.