@GashleyMadison: I love playing catch with my dogs when I'm drunk, because I don't have dogs when I'm sober.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Reverend_Scott: And on the 8th day, God created atheists and said, "Oh man, you're not gonna believe this."
@bourgeoisalien: Only death will keep me from you. Or cake. Or Netflix. Or kittens....hold on, I have a list.
@JP_theAntiHero: Dude turned from the ATM and tripped sending about eight 20s flying into my face. I teared up a little. I get strippers, I get it.