@GashleyMadison: I love playing catch with my dogs when I'm drunk, because I don't have dogs when I'm sober.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dblackattack: It's nothing serious, we're not dating or anything, we just sometimes get brunch together, were just Friends with Benedict.
@jenstatsky: The best answer to an American Apparel salesperson asking you if you're looking for anything specific is, "the bottom half of a shirt."
@JRehling: So, Noah found two polar bears in the Mideast? And after the flood, he took them back to Canada? That sounds plausible. #GodScience
@NathanBgood: Why, yes, that is a banana in my pocket! *removes banana* How did you know? *begins to peel & eat banana* I’m still glad to see you though.