@TheWoodenslurpy: I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What’s not to like?
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@Bob_Janke: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face and he says it's so when I'm eating prairie grasses I can see predators
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: So hot today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: During WW II, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs. Me: Fair enough.
@ohpegah: [my first attempt at standup] ME: So, I was at the gym the other day... MY STALKER (from the back): lol no you weren't