@TheWoodenslurpy: I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What’s not to like?
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@UnicornSyrup: "I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"
@LibyaLiberty: My 10 yr old was hugging the cat, & whispering to him "I love you so much that you're the 2nd most loved thing in my life." Aww, I thought, she's still mama's little girl. Then she finished her whisper with "But spaghetti is my favorite thing."
@ahamedweinberg: 2015. Worse than the death of paper is the death of staplers. Rest in peace you sexy plastic alligators.
@VailshireCap: "Daddy, tell me again about how you wasted time before Twitter existed?" "Well son, we used to look at clouds & pretend they were animals."