@JermHimselfish: I love raking all the leaves in my yard into a big pile then running really fast and jumping to conclusions when people don't text me back.
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@ibid78: If you watch the Game of Thrones backwards a family overcomes near death experiences to reunite happily in a castle (plus dragons shrink).
@ArfMeasures: [Enter restaurant] WIFE: See if you can get us a table ME: Ok [1 minute later] ME: [sprinting towards wife, carrying table] START THE CAR
@AristotlesNZ: Tech support guy asked me to rank my issue as normal, urgent, or extremely urgent. I did a 6min long scream into the phone & let him decide.
@noog: Me: I wish Inigo Montoya appeared everytime “literally” is misused and did his “You keep saying that word“ bit Genie: That ones on the house