@JermHimselfish: I love raking all the leaves in my yard into a big pile then running really fast and jumping to conclusions when people don't text me back.
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@FishySnowborder: Went out drinking at the bar last night. Took a cab home. Trying to figure out what to do with the cab in my garage?
@UNTRESOR: If you cut off a mommy blogger's head she can continue mommy blogging for up to three full minutes.
@AllanCresswell: Grampa: Back in my day, we slept on broken glass, you dunno how lucky you are. Me: Grampa, please. We have Twitter, at least you GOT sleep.