@DamienFahey: I love restaurants that have signs like "Since 1916". It's a great way to know the place you're eating at was probably super racist.
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@WheelTod: [In Club] *slides up to girl on dance floor "This is my jam" *hands her a jar "I wrote my number on the label. Text me if you want more..."
@lawblob: pranking neighborhood teens by pulling my car into their driveway & putting a bow on it so they think their parents bought it for them
@El_nacho_Nigre: Legend has it if u whisper IKEA 3x in the mirror an extra screw will appear & you'll be haunted by the piece of furniture you ill-assembled.
@BarndogKarck: Fred: let's settle this once and for all! *fred rips my face away revealing bloody skull* Velma: he wasn't wearing a mask! Fred: I know.