@TheBoydP: I love that old Revolutionary War saying about shower sex “Don’t shoot until you see the soap in their eyes…” or something like that.
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@wittwitbarista: Ever notice how pathetically lonely you are when the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignores your knock knock joke?
@KalvinMacleod: HER: I'm ending this ME: why? HER: you’re way too literal ME: I promise I can change HER: prove it ME: *puts on a different shirt*
@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: we'll worry about him in an hour then